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By the grace of God, I have begun.
Pretty glad to have joined WW on Saturday. Not that I'm excited--I maybe should be, but "excited" isn't the right word for how I feel. I have come to rely on food to make me feel better, and have had quite a past with my weight gain/loss/gain again, so I suppose I feel apprehension and trepidation alongside forward-thinking ambition. I want to save my life. If for no other reason, at least for the sake of my children. For that matter, for my family. For my God. I don't like that I am the fattest person in my group of friends, in my family, in many of my groups. It hurts. I'm ashamed. But all of this sometimes has not been enough for my motivation. Sometimes there is just a dense fog in my brain and heart, just keeping me isolated from the things that should motivate me and inspire me. It's times like that that I feel like such a failure. I don't want this anymore. I want to be free of it.
Anyway, so. I started Saturday! I went to the meeting, I felt great, I was happy to go. I was welcomed warmly by some who knew me from before...over 100 lbs ago, too. So here we go. Fresh start, fresh attitude, a renewal. A reawakening. Very appropriate for Eastertide, I would say! A Season of renewed hope and birth. This is the birth of my new life. I want to live.
I am so proud of you, Julie, and will be reading along with you on your journey! You are a beautiful person! :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck Julie. That is a big deal. I can really understand where you are coming from with being "glad", but not "excited". Weight loss (or weight gain for some people) really isn't just about a different lifestyle. It's also about all the emotions and bonds and messages that have been with us our entire lives that become a part of our relationship with food and our bodies. That really means it's about everything. I struggle with my own health issues and I know it isn't easy. But just as true is that this means that the process of transformation has such beauty and potential on so many levels. That's a lovely thing. You sound very positive and also very aware and open to this process and I feel in my bones that you are well on your way. You will meet your goals! Know though that wherever you are and at whatever stage you are, you are loved.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Cousin Abigail
You both are lovely, lovely people. Thank you. Your support means a LOT to me! xox
ReplyDeletejulie, i really admire you! i have never done weight watchers but really admire the program based on what i understand about it from other folks. i have my own hangups, and i love that you are so open and honest about yours!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kitty (I think that's you--are you Kitty? LOL)
ReplyDeleteI'll keep you guys posted on stuffs. :)